Log 53 -- 10 July 2026
Farewell, First Year
It's been nearly a year now, since we started.
What now? Is it time to review? It feels too soon...
Too soon for me to truly, genuinely notice if something about me has changed.
...well, apart from my attitude. I feel like that's spoiled a little. But that's mostly in response to the little change I was seeing elsewhere.
It could be possible that I have an unhealthy obsession with change. That I focus so much on it that I forget everything else. I suppose that much is more obvious to you folks; change has been part of at least five of these logs last I remember.
...Though I think the focus has always been closer to where I still have yet to grow. Managing my time, taking initiative, planning ahead and STICKING to those plans, asking for help... et cetera.
But surely I have grown somewhere. I'm reconnecting to my faith, despite the trouble that comes with doing so. I'm forcing myself into community while it seems so much easier to stay out of it. I'm making more decisions, taking more risks, than I ever would have a year ago.
To an extent, I'm learning to be kinda stupid, and to suck at things. I'm learning to be a bit inept, a tad out-of-place, even when I really don't want to be.
You have to be bad before you get good with something. It doesn't matter what that thing is. If you don't find hurdles to jump, you're in the wrong lane.
Improvement, change, demands that you have difficulty. Moreso, it requires you to overcome it, with help or otherwise. Consistently. It asks you to dare to be bad first.
I've heard once that, some time, on the way to successful, first of steps of all of the steps to being successful steps are hardest of all of the steps to successing.
That first step might be accepting you're bad at that time, internally and externally. That is, to come to terms with your own shortcomings and put shame out of the way, so that you can focus on what needs to get done to begin with.
Or I could be completely wrong. Maybe that's two steps instead of just one. Or a hundred. Or maybe it is just one really big step. No matter the specifics, this could be something that holds myself back.
I hope that, one day, it doesn't have nearly a quarter the strength to do so as it does even now.
Thanks for nearly a year, gang. Get your slurpees tomorrow, and I'll see you next week.