Log 46 -- 22 May 2026

A Direction of Zero

...

You know something I've realized, about myself?

I tend not to think too hard on the things that are more valued in society.

There's problems in a lot of the world, many of which there may be little I can do about on my own.

Some people are hungry. Others have nothing to drink, despite the floodwaters. Still others haven't seen water in a couple weeks.

Trains and buses in certain areas even locally might be inconvenient. Roads are still cracked, and construction is always going on for something only few need.

Minorities are still largely outnumbered in many fields, among which could include the ones that matter most. Some of those minorities still fear for their lives to act up even slightly.

And sure, those are problems too big for one kid to fix, but what about the ones that directly concern me?

I haven't even put thought to the phone I have to get before October. Or to what my birthday will look like, the day after log 53. Or to what I'm actually going to major in, or what I can do with that major. I haven't even a real idea what I'm going to do this summer.

It feels like I have no aim.

Like I've gone in so many directions that I've somehow returned to where I was.

There definitely is a correct direction, I just know it... but without a proper use for the resources around me I forgot what direction that is when I need to remember most.

I want to take time to figure out how to deal with that. How to remind myself that I'm not supposed to just know everything. That it's okay to be inadequate sometimes, even if you don't learn from the first times.

What matters most isn't all of the little changes, but the entire change as a whole.

Whether the world truly was, on average, a better place with me being a part of it.

And for what I believe, I have my entire life to prove that it will be.

Seeya next week.

xc