Log 37 -- 20 March 2026

An Improper Break

Heya! Feels like it's been forever... how have y'all been?

...Weird that it feels like forever. I'm supposed to be wrtiting these once a week -- and with regard to four particular weeks including last, I have been.

So why does it feel like forever? Maybe because I haven't decided on an exact time to put this into my schedule, or because I can easily push it off to the end of the day.

...I hope it's not that.

I hope it's just the fact that this week has been, like the last one-week break, mostly wasted. And I don't mean that I've just been playing games all day. I mean that I haven't been giving myself a proper break. I said I would be watching my sleep more this week, but this has been the last I've slept in a given week for a long while. I said I would work on something -- resume, a small project, something -- but I can't say I have.

...What could I do differently the next break..?

Well, I could set reminders, but I know I'd just ignore those. I could ask my parents to ask me to do things, but then it becomes their problem and I don't want to be rude to them.

...but would I rather be a little rude or mostly useless? That, and it'd be like having accountability partners. Big accountability partners that could make you homeless if you pushed the right buttons. But surely it'd be better to have that risk higher now than later, no?

I've also had the opportunity to read through most of the logs I've done thus far. (Dude, I wrote a lot more than I thought...) There's... a few things that I've written that I think might be worth putting to the front of my mind. Behind all the goals and aspirations and little off comments.

Log 17, for example, showed how I continued to value life -- my own life -- even in a time where I would normally do that the least. Log 33 even -- where I gave myself a task to do daily (and admittedly haven't been doing so) to see how I've changed relative to yesterday.

There's gotta be more in there, but I won't get more than that if I don't read outside as well. I want to start doing that again -- a more controlled version of what happened when starting last semester.

...A much more controlled version. Something that could be sustained... potentially forever. The goal is forever. It's always forever, isn't it? With cyclical routines?

You say it'll just be for a week, then a month, then a year, and now it just keeps on going.

But you gotta stay with it! Or you stop.

Here's to me not stopping. And hopefully, to you not stopping as well.