Log 33 -- 20 February 2026
Checkpoint?
...When Log 53 comes by, I'm going to have to ask myself what is possibly the most important question: "have I changed?"
...Okay, I know that sounds kinda silly on first glance. Of course people change! But hear me out.
For a lot of the time I've been here, I haven't really been focusing on becoming a better person. Rather, it was much easier to focus on the ways in which I failed -- as a student, as a friend or offspring, as a human being in general. I've been told that it's easier for most to do the same.
The days that went badly always hurt more than the days that went well could heal -- because my focus was against my own health, and against the benefit of those around me.
I think if anything, it ought to be a daily question. And maybe less about change itself, but more about what I do. And what I can do. Maybe every week I can take some of the space in these Checknotes to report how I might have changed.
A perfect example might be the procrastinatory nature I've had towards my schoolwork, despite someone paying for me to do well.
Or maybe the fact that I... just really haven't been confident in the status of my health since the week before winter break. Like a winter curse or something. Phooey...
Though I suppose things that are still ongoing and unwanted -- like the fact that I don't talk much about these issues -- would also be important to note as well... Maybe I ought not to share too much of it with you all. Some of you can be cruel with even the little I'm sharing now.
But of course, none of this matters unless I do something about what I do and don't want.
...Suppose I ought to start then. I want to start talking about my emotions more, and what bothers me. I want to take a moments at the start and ends of the day now and again, to recalibrate and come to peace.
Let's see what I do next week.